To have a child is a dream come true for most women. It is the completion or fulfillment of their womanhood and their life as wife. A child is a priceless gift any person could ever had.
I had Ethan unexpectedly and I admit I got scared and wished it was just a dream. But I can't turn back the time and I must face the fate I had. But it didn't take too long for me to accept that I am no longer a free woman and that I am going to be a mother. With that realization, I started to notice how much I care for this/the life I am carrying in my womb. I realized that I loved him so much even before he was born.
I wanted a baby boy and prayed for it everyday. The joy that I felt the moment it was confirmed that the baby is a boy was really undefinable, it is like one of the happiest moment of my life. And from then on, I could not wait for the day he will come out and we will see him.
My pregnancy is not as hard unlike those who needs to bed-rest, I actually can walk long distance and can even stay up long. What makes pregnancy difficult for me is that you can get tired easily and there are things that you cannot do. The big bulge on my front is heavy and distracting enough for me and it makes me anxious because most of the people I pass by stares at me. It is hard to stay still seating and finding the perfect sleeping position. I toss and turn several times just to figure out what position I am comfortable to sleep in. But those things are just a percent of difficulties of a mother. Real hard times happens once the baby comes out, that I found out after Ethan says hello to the world.
He comes out on the 2nd of November 2011. The labor is so painful that I wanted to cry but I just can't. And my lower back hurts like crazy it is like its going to be ripped. All of those hurt was nothing the moment I saw Ethan. And then I passed out. The first night was the hardest. I am too scared that I am doing things wrong like in carrying him and holding him. Breast feeding is also hard during the first time, it is not that painful but I am not sure if he is getting enough. The worst is his crying. I just don't know what to do so then I just assumed that he is hungry or he wants to be near me. And so I figure out and realized that my mother instinct is activated. Since then I was like a professional when it comes to baby. But that doesn't spared me from the sleepless night and fatigues and the hassles of taking care of a newborn. I also experienced some PPD and self pity on the side but I managed to get back because I could not stay on that position for a very long time since I am solely tanking care of my son.
Now, he is about to turn 1 and whenever I recall those days when he is so small and he can't even move that much, I just miss those days. I am thankful and so proud to have him. I love him and there is no hard times that can ever take my love for him away. He is the greatest gift and my joy. And so here I am, from being a party girl to a certified mother (with no intention of partying anymore).